Life in Words.

The thing about motherhood is, you give up your body to grow your little human. You eat more vegetables. You run to the bathroom three times every night. You try to sleep while your little human moves and hiccups in your body. You are tired and swollen and fat and sick and yet, when we have a pregnant friend, we marvel in the miracle of it. The thing about motherhood is, the second they lay that sweet, squeaky baby in your arms, your whole life, your whole heart, and every feeling you've ever had is right there looking at you with one hundred percent trust. And in that moment, you evolve into someone who no longer lives for themselves. The thing about motherhood is, in the very first minute of becoming a mother, you are instantly aware of the magnitude of your own mother's love for you. Suddenly every situation you ever weathered with her makes perfect sense. The thing about motherhood is, we eat second, we sleep less, we cry more, we worry the most, we try so hard, we c...

Today is International Women's Day and I, for one, am celebrating. Here are ten things for me and for you, ladies. 1. Today I am celebrating freedom and independence. I am free to live my life on my terms. 2. I am grateful for every woman in my life who has taught me that life doesn't have to look the same for everyone and that the differences are worth fighting for and celebrating. 3. Thank you to all the women who came before me and fought their asses off so that I can live the life I want. 4. No matter where you go in the world, you are among sisters and mothers. You can find them anywhere because we share the common experience of being divinely woman. 5. Thank you to my own mom who left home at an early age, started a career, had a family, and demonstrated for me what it meant to be strong. 6. We are lucky to live in a time when we, as women, decide what we want our lives to look like and, for the most part (always room for improvement), we can make it happen. 7. Ju...

Oh 2018, you have been a most welcome change from 2017 (read more about that brutal year here ). We did well, 2018, and I am proud of us. Here are some thoughts and lessons from 2018. 1. When you stop saying mean things to yourself, you start to believe it. Stop saying you're fat. Stop saying you've always done that annoying thing. Stop saying you're not good at it. Stop saying you're unlovable. STOP STOP STOP. I mean it. Stop. Trust me, you will feel the weight of the world slowly lift off of your shoulders. When you get in the habit of cutting yourself off from all of those awful criticisms, you acknowledge the good in you and there is a lot to be celebrated. 2. You can change your life in the time between laying your head on the pillow and falling asleep. Sounds very Tony Robbins, doesn't it? I am not about to sell you vitamins or a self-help book. I promise. At the beginning of 2018 I started saying these simple words as I fell asleep..."Good thing...

As I grow up, I can see a desperation amongst my peers for sincerity and authenticity. Thanks to maturity we grow our circles in quality and are far more selective in quantity. There are a million different quotes about this, and Pinterest is bleeding with inspiration about the quality of our friendships. I am at a point in my life where, if you can't be real with me, I'm out. Is that harsh? Maybe. Its only harsh when you say it out loud because the majority of us, in my opinion, are operating at that frequency whether we speak it or not. But then there are those who are not operating at that frequency. I promise not to tell who just popped into your heads. [wink] You know some, I know some, and just open any social media app if you're wondering. The Perfects were always a family out there but now social media has given them a platform to slather their inflated happiness all over us. I remember a story from my high school days where Parent Perfect was expounding on the d...

I want to share this message from my friend, Terri. She is a true warrior. She lost her husband at a very young age, with a young son in tow. Her husband was loved and adored as a teacher and as a human. She carried on. She fought hard. I painted the fiery angel with the intention of keeping her. She was me and she represented the new life I have fought for. But when Terri contacted me, I knew that this angel was also Terri and she belonged to her too. See below for Terri's words. Thank you for sharing a little of your story, Terri! She is beautiful, she was made for me. When I originally saw her on Jessie’s Facebook page, I immediately thought...wow, she completely resonates with me. Then, as quickly as my first thought came to me, my next thought was “mom loves angels, I will purchase this beautiful painting for her. The day went on and I had messaged Jessie about her. I had screen shotted her and various times throughout the day, I would peek at her. I was completely drawn ...

On December 19, 2012, a pastor said, "This little girl LIVED A YES." He was talking about Lily Anderson, the daughter of my friend Jennifer, who did her absolute best to kick cancer's tail until the very end...she was 11. I never knew Lily, but to know her mom is to know Lily. To live in Cumming, GA is to know Lily. To have your children attend Vickery Creek schools is to know Lily. That is as close as I will ever get, but I will take it. On the back of my sweet minivan is a big ol' sticker that says, "LIVE A YES." I like the idea of it and I really love Lily's mama so I can absolutely get on board. All fine and good until you sit and wonder if you are really living a yes. I asked Jennifer what it means to her and her answer was this, "Means different things to different people. Some people deep meaning, some not so deep. Like putting away your shopping cart at Publix is living a yes but so is devoting your life to Jesus. Its a wide range. I will ...

A quick reflection for today... 1. When you make yourself vulnerable, people feel safe with you. 2. Life is hard, but you are stronger than you can ever imagine. 3. When you walk through the light at the end of the tunnel, it is worth every minute of pain. 4. Own your mistakes with every ounce of bravery you can muster up. 5. The happier you are alone, the more open you are to loving someone else. 6. The frequency you send out into the world, is the frequency you attract back in. 7. Give compliments. Say them right to that person's face. They mean more than you will ever know. 8. Be kind to yourself. Don't talk badly about You. If you say nice things to You, you just might start to believe it. 9. Find "your thing" and do it with foolish abandon. Whatever it is, make it happen. 10. The greatest thing anyone can ever tell you is, YOU LOOK SO HAPPY . It is the true reflection of what you feel on the inside, beaming out of you for others to see. Hold that compl...

This blog post is inspired by Cheryl Strayed's book, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar . If you haven't read it, please do. It is worth every minute of precious time. One of my dearest friends recently wrote me an email. Her email matched most of our conversations that I will describe as "meaty." We talk about things that matter and then we go beyond matter and hit the how and why with a vengeance. She challenges me to think far beyond what I think I know and understand so I always feel a sense of honor when she asks me for my thoughts. In an effort to respect our friendship and her thoughts and feelings, I am going to answer her email here in a general way that might apply to others as well. I like to write about things that I gather from lots of people during lots of good conversations and I think this is another one of those. Here goes... Friend: I know who I am - or at least who I want to be and think I am - but the life I am livi...

About three years ago I went to a new doctor. We went over all of the usuals and then he asked me something that was incredibly personal and made me squirm and sweat. He said, “Outside of taking care of your kids, what do you like to do?” In that one question, there was an implosion of my mind, body, and soul and I sat there absolutely silent. I think I squeaked out an “ummm” and then an “oh god…I don’t know.” Maybe I was thinking too hard. Maybe I was caught off guard. Or maybe, I really didn’t know. There were so many ingredients to his question. “Outside of taking care of your kids…” Based on my age and a million conversations with other parents my age, he knew that keeping my children alive required 97.4% of my time. He acknowledged it and that was nice. I think I was busy feeling all warm and fuzzy that he knew that about me when he hit me with the zinger. “What do you like to DO?” First of all, what do I like? Hmmm…I like cheese and leggings with the high rise suck-me-in, m...

It was a couple years ago that I first saw that little saying that registered so deeply with so many people. It went something like, “Be kind always. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” I remember reading that and thinking, holy shit, YES. I probably shared it on Facebook like everyone who saw it and felt that deep down agreement with such simple words. It is simple and brilliant and universal. We all know that feeling of wanting to say to someone, “DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?!?!” Any time in my life I have experienced any sort of tragedy, there is that eerie feeling when you look around and everyone seems to be going on about life as if everything is ok and you just want to stop and scream at the top of your lungs, EVERYTHING IS NOT OK!! It is the loneliest island, isn’t it? But this simple little concept - the one where we are all fighting battles - reminds us that we are sharing this giant island, fighting next to each other, doing our ...

I hate to keep bringing it up, but the last year of my life has been less than desirable. Devastating. Soul-crushing. Tear infused and physically painful. Confusing. Exhausting. Debilitating. But I learned that, unless you are literally dying, your are not actually going to die. Less than desirable, devastating, soul-crushing, tear infused and physically painful, confusing, exhausting, and debilitating will not actually kill you. At times you wish they would, but they don't. That means you only have the option to survive...and God, survival really sucks sometimes. It is ugly and crude and unshowered and baggy-eyed. It is misspoken words and polite, self-preserving lies. It is smiling with a broken heart. And even when you wish Survival would suck the last shallow breath from you, you will find gifts. SMALL GIFTS. At the very lowest point of the last year, I decided to pay attention to the things that were going on around me. There were ten bazillion bad things happening that w...

Dear 2017, You were a real asshole and I'm glad you're dead. You chewed me up and spit me out, but incredibly, I came out on top. You tried to break me but I stood up to you. I know you saw the days I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life. You were there for the gossip, rumors, and whispers. You were there when I didn't sleep for weeks. I felt you kick me when I was down...over and over again. But its ok because I know you. You're sneaky and arrogant and insecure and dishonest and two-faced. I recognize you, 2017. What you don't know is that I am a fucking warrior. Not only did I walk out of the fire, but I am also carrying buckets of water for my friends who are enduring the brutal realities of divorce. They are also warriors. Yes, I am glad you're gone, 2017, but I must also thank you. For every time I felt hatred and anger and disgust, I am smart enough to know where to turn when its time to fight back. Maybe you missed the day that my incredib...

It is a subject that 99.9% of women (that is my “scientific” guess) talk about, think about, and wrestle with every day from the time we are about 12 years old. If you become a mom, it grows like that weird talking plant in Little Shop of Horrors. If you don’t become a mom, it buzzes in your ear like a rabid mosquito. If you work, it nags at you. If you don’t work it is a little voice in your head chattering away at you. And I would be willing to bet it is a topic of conversation when you are with your girlfriends. It causes tears and anxiety, frustration and insecurity, and the worst part is, it really only plagues women. I have yet to heard a group of guys stressing over being “good enough” (I shall eat my words when this happens). We are never enough. Let me rephrase that…we never FEEL like we are enough.  The other day I was juggling my three boys (thank you Fall Break…I mean, didn’t we just start school?) and work and breakfast and all of my usual adult duties. I sent...

There are a million books and theories and thoughts these days about how THINGS just clutter up your life and make you crazy. Well, I'm here to disagree. Tonight I organized (sort of) and decorated my office and I was reminded of how much I love my stuff. Someone asked me what the style of my new house is and I said, "cluttery eclectic." YES! Its cluttery because I love walking into a house that is full of interesting things to look at. If you have ever been to my aunt Sheri's house, you know what I mean. There is a huge difference between walking into a cluttered house and walking into a house that tells a story. If you come to my house, I can probably tell you a story about almost everything I own. For example, let me take you on a tour of my office. To my right is a collage that I made one afternoon with my sister-in-law Julie and my niece Ellie...two humans who I love beyond words. To my left is a collage my mom made me. There is a photo of me as a baby with my ...

I read recently that there is about to be a cosmic shift in the emotional health of our planet. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember the details of why, or how it will be measured, but I remember thinking I liked the sound of it. There are powerful movements brewing that are demanding equality, which in my simple little head means that people are marching and speaking up so that everyone is treated well. And when people are treated well, they are happy. And more happy people will make for a happier planet. I realize this is almost insultingly simple when there is horrific tragedy happening all over the world. Please know that I am aware of the heartbreak and I don't meant to take anything away from the work that still needs to be done. But for now, I want to talk to you about something really simple. I love you. I am lucky to come from a long line of lovers. My family loves big and they aren't afraid to say it. It is rare to leave a family gathering - and there are lo...

First, Happy Easter to all of you who celebrate Easter. It is that Sunday and, as predicted, the egg and basket hunt took all of ten minutes and now we clean this grubby family up and head to church. For the record, my kids are wearing athletic apparel because Jesus doesn't care what they wear to church and I got no fight in me today. I grew up in a great church where the attendees probably qualify as family and everyone had an unofficial assigned seat. Ours was about six rows from the front, left side, every Sunday. I was raised to church. As I logged more years, I struggled to believe what I was taught and what everyone around me seemed to believe so hard. Let's be honest, the Bible stories are a little far fetched and yet bazillions of people are all in, on fire for Jesus. I had so many questions and I fought the mainstream hard on it. I even fought it at the Lutheran college I attended. I fought it when I had a professor who was a Doctor of Religion and a Doctor of Psyc...

What am I doing? No. Like, what am I DOING?? For sure laundry. Yes, definitely laundry but only washing and drying it and definitely only folding it when every member of my family has expressed their utter disgust with my lack of laundry folding. Then maybe. Pinterest. DEFINITELY Pinterest. Constantly searching for "Artspiration." Did I tell you I am an artist now? Well, I am and if you ask me, from now on I am going to call myself an artist. I tried it out at Lowes today and it made me feel super cool. Guy at Lowes: So what do you do with all this wood? (laughs because that's kind of inappropriate and he's like 19) Me: I am an artist. [exits lumber aisle feeling like Beyonce]. Why can I call myself an artist? Because I'm 40 and if I don't start calling myself an artist now, its not going to happen. I'm probably past the days of becoming a super model (although I did have a nice run with Shopko and Fleet Farm for a while...you...

Every single day I encounter some situation that could have gone better. Some could have gone A LOT better. I say or do the wrong thing, someone is less than kind to me, I am impatient with my kids or my husband, someone takes out their frustration on me. In any case, feelings are evoked that make us flare up, fly off, or bring us down. I am here to tell you that I think its time we all gave each other the benefit of the doubt. Every time. All the time. Have you seen all of the articles lately listing out the "Ten Things Never to Say to...?" I've seen the one about what never to say to the parent of an adopted child. Or how about what not to say to someone who has lost their father? Don't say XYZ to breastfeeding/working/stay-at-home/organic/non-organic moms. Ten things never to say to white, single, gay men who prefer carbohydrates for breakfast on Tuesdays at 10 am. Stop. Just stop. I understand that these articles are meant to be a guideline for people attempting...

I am writing this mostly just to document my experience before I forget. I am also writing it so that the next time you go to the hospital, have a baby, get a routine check-up, or just a visit with your family doctor, you will have an appreciation for how good we have it in the good ol’ USA. I feel like I should just state for the record that this is only my experience. I am not trying to make a judgment of the entire South African medical system. I am only reporting on what I went through during my birth experience at one hospital in Johannesburg…but it certainly was a doozy. Jake and I arrived at the hospital (Sandton Mediclinic) for one last check with my doctor, Dr. Peter Koll. This guy is brilliant and I loved him more with each appointment. He was laid back, enthusiastic, caring, and all around perfect. I never thought I would love anyone as much as Dr Kaldas (Neenah) but this guy was a close second. After a quick check and a chat, they sent me up to the Labor and Delivery war...

Home is simple. Home is always here. Home is family and people who have known you for lots of years, through good stuff and bad stuff. Home is Piggly Wiggly. Home is Erb Park and City Park. Home is College Avenue. Home is parents and sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, aunts and uncles and cousins. Home is my dog. Home is warm and cozy and alwasy comfortable. Home is how happy my kids are being around people who love them. Home is seeing familiar faces and running into people at the grocery store. Home is sharing things in common. Home is knowing who to call when my kids are sick. Home is a house that we own, Jake and his lawn, weekend projects, and random gatherings. Home is safe. Home is clean and quiet. Home has been a lot of places for us, lots of different "buildings," almost-country and big cities. Home has been three different countries. Home has been too close to the train tracks. Home has been really good quality and one impulse decision. :) ...