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You ARE 40 now.

What am I doing? No. Like, what am I DOING?? For sure laundry. Yes, definitely laundry but only washing and drying it and definitely only folding it when every member of my family has expressed their utter disgust with my lack of laundry folding. Then maybe.

Pinterest. DEFINITELY Pinterest. Constantly searching for "Artspiration." Did I tell you I am an artist now? Well, I am and if you ask me, from now on I am going to call myself an artist. I tried it out at Lowes today and it made me feel super cool.

Guy at Lowes: So what do you do with all this wood? (laughs because that's kind of inappropriate and he's like 19)

Me: I am an artist. [exits lumber aisle feeling like Beyonce].




















Why can I call myself an artist? Because I'm 40 and if I don't start calling myself an artist now, its not going to happen. I'm probably past the days of becoming a super model (although I did have a nice run with Shopko and Fleet Farm for a while...you're welcome).




















Probably not going to the Olympics...but did you see that 41-year-old??? I mean she looked a little stiff but I was cheering her on all like, "You go, old gal! Make the middle-agers proud out there!" May never see that magic number on the scale again. Thigh gap is becoming a leap over the Grand Canyon at this point.

So you gotta do what you gotta do.

What am I doing? What was I afraid of before I was 40 that I am not now? Why does EVERYONE say, "Well, you are 40 now." My back has been killing me for months, I've got a little extra junk in the trunk, and my hangovers seem to require an extra ibuprofen and a burrito, but I am also a little bit less afraid to throw myself out there. I am a better friend at 40 than I was at 30. I still have no patience but my friends don't either and I know now to count on them to make me feel like a "normal" mother. I am super talented in the swearing department which means I am able to shut it off in front of my kids. I am old enough that a discussion about poop can be about adult regularity but young enough that it might include our kids' regularity and potty training too. I am old enough to say that I haven't seen my college friends for 20 years but young enough to know when we meet up in Florida in September we will have way too much fun...in our comfies.

Old people love to tell you how everything goes to shit when you hit 40 and I say, RISE UP MIDDLE AGERS! We may have shit knees and obnoxious kids and cellulite but we are living life the way it should be lived! As my dear friend loves to say, #zerofucks. Don't get me wrong, I got some F's for lots of things but when I have ZERO for stupid shit, it feels really good.

So what am I doing? I am making things in my ARTIST'S studio in my basement (that doesn't sound super glam but you should see it). I am loving my friends harder than ever before. I am parenting the best I can. So yes, I AM 40 now and maybe, just maybe, this is exactly how it is supposed to feel.

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