Dear 2017,
You were a real asshole and I'm glad you're dead. You chewed me up and spit me out, but incredibly, I came out on top. You tried to break me but I stood up to you. I know you saw the days I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life. You were there for the gossip, rumors, and whispers. You were there when I didn't sleep for weeks. I felt you kick me when I was down...over and over again. But its ok because I know you. You're sneaky and arrogant and insecure and dishonest and two-faced. I recognize you, 2017.
What you don't know is that I am a fucking warrior.
Not only did I walk out of the fire, but I am also carrying buckets of water for my friends who are enduring the brutal realities of divorce. They are also warriors. Yes, I am glad you're gone, 2017, but I must also thank you. For every time I felt hatred and anger and disgust, I am smart enough to know where to turn when its time to fight back. Maybe you missed the day that my incredible friends gave up their precious time to help me move into my new house. And did you see the friends from the gym I don't even belong to anymore? They showed up HUGE. My parents...my 70-ish-year-old parents...who never stopped for the entire two weeks that was spent cleaning out one house with all of its memories - good and bad, the tears, the sweat, and even some blood. THEY NEVER STOPPED. Not even once. They made meals and did laundry and carried boxes (literally for days) and cleaned up messes that didn't belong to any of us. My friends cried with me and felt my hurt. In fact, we took turns carrying each others' hurt a few times this year. You were an asshole to them too. And I can tell you, 2017, you have no place in my family. They are true and loyal and unendingly supportive, despite you. They were there with phone calls and cards and texts and prayers and love and hugs and shoulders to cry on. They feel my pain because that's what families do and because they ALWAYS go above and beyond for each other. So while I have felt your sting, I have soaked in the unconditional love of people who care in that deep down way. The real way love should be given. I win.
You taught me who can be trusted and who deserves my friendship. You gave me things then took them away. I know you loved every minute of my heartbreak as I loaded up my kids in the car and watched him drive them away on "his weekend." But its ok. Someday they will understand and we will sit down and make sense of all of it together. In the meantime, I am filling my time without the three little loves with art that flows from the depths of my soul. My art feels brave and bold and has all the feelings in it, so thank you for that. 2018 is pumped about what we can do in the art studio. I win.
What you thought you were taking from me, 2017, was actually fuel for my fire. You confirmed my brave choice with your wretched behavior. You were 365 days of pure suck (ok, maybe not every day, but close).
Now my sweet 2018...I love you already. You are fierce but gentle and you see the potential in everything. Your light shines brighter on those who are true and real and honest and authentic so I know where to go when I need REAL. I hope you bring a little parenting confidence as this is all new. I have big lessons to teach those little people, obstacles to overcome, and challenges to face head on. Help me take inventory of my strengths so I can call them up from the bench when I need to. Remind me to give myself grace and hand it out to people I love. We are all doing the best we can. Keep me open and positive and show me that there are so many good people in the world. So far you've brought me You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero, lots of Oprah's Super Soul podcasts, a pile of new books to read, conversations with my favorite people, inspiration, and a couple of the best martinis I have ever had. I love you already. I'm thinking we should take a trip or two, continue to enjoy quiet time but LOVE the noise and mess of kids at home, try new things, let lots of things go, meet new people, love on our old friends, and paint...lots and lots of paint. I'm sure you have ideas for us too and I am ready. Bring it on, 2018. We got this.
With all kinds of love,
Jessie
You were a real asshole and I'm glad you're dead. You chewed me up and spit me out, but incredibly, I came out on top. You tried to break me but I stood up to you. I know you saw the days I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life. You were there for the gossip, rumors, and whispers. You were there when I didn't sleep for weeks. I felt you kick me when I was down...over and over again. But its ok because I know you. You're sneaky and arrogant and insecure and dishonest and two-faced. I recognize you, 2017.
What you don't know is that I am a fucking warrior.
Not only did I walk out of the fire, but I am also carrying buckets of water for my friends who are enduring the brutal realities of divorce. They are also warriors. Yes, I am glad you're gone, 2017, but I must also thank you. For every time I felt hatred and anger and disgust, I am smart enough to know where to turn when its time to fight back. Maybe you missed the day that my incredible friends gave up their precious time to help me move into my new house. And did you see the friends from the gym I don't even belong to anymore? They showed up HUGE. My parents...my 70-ish-year-old parents...who never stopped for the entire two weeks that was spent cleaning out one house with all of its memories - good and bad, the tears, the sweat, and even some blood. THEY NEVER STOPPED. Not even once. They made meals and did laundry and carried boxes (literally for days) and cleaned up messes that didn't belong to any of us. My friends cried with me and felt my hurt. In fact, we took turns carrying each others' hurt a few times this year. You were an asshole to them too. And I can tell you, 2017, you have no place in my family. They are true and loyal and unendingly supportive, despite you. They were there with phone calls and cards and texts and prayers and love and hugs and shoulders to cry on. They feel my pain because that's what families do and because they ALWAYS go above and beyond for each other. So while I have felt your sting, I have soaked in the unconditional love of people who care in that deep down way. The real way love should be given. I win.
You taught me who can be trusted and who deserves my friendship. You gave me things then took them away. I know you loved every minute of my heartbreak as I loaded up my kids in the car and watched him drive them away on "his weekend." But its ok. Someday they will understand and we will sit down and make sense of all of it together. In the meantime, I am filling my time without the three little loves with art that flows from the depths of my soul. My art feels brave and bold and has all the feelings in it, so thank you for that. 2018 is pumped about what we can do in the art studio. I win.
What you thought you were taking from me, 2017, was actually fuel for my fire. You confirmed my brave choice with your wretched behavior. You were 365 days of pure suck (ok, maybe not every day, but close).
Now my sweet 2018...I love you already. You are fierce but gentle and you see the potential in everything. Your light shines brighter on those who are true and real and honest and authentic so I know where to go when I need REAL. I hope you bring a little parenting confidence as this is all new. I have big lessons to teach those little people, obstacles to overcome, and challenges to face head on. Help me take inventory of my strengths so I can call them up from the bench when I need to. Remind me to give myself grace and hand it out to people I love. We are all doing the best we can. Keep me open and positive and show me that there are so many good people in the world. So far you've brought me You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero, lots of Oprah's Super Soul podcasts, a pile of new books to read, conversations with my favorite people, inspiration, and a couple of the best martinis I have ever had. I love you already. I'm thinking we should take a trip or two, continue to enjoy quiet time but LOVE the noise and mess of kids at home, try new things, let lots of things go, meet new people, love on our old friends, and paint...lots and lots of paint. I'm sure you have ideas for us too and I am ready. Bring it on, 2018. We got this.
With all kinds of love,
Jessie
I love this one! 2017 was a bastard to me too.
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