Oh 2018, you have been a most welcome change from 2017 (read more about that brutal year here ). We did well, 2018, and I am proud of us.
Here are some thoughts and lessons from 2018.
1. When you stop saying mean things to yourself, you start to believe it. Stop saying you're fat. Stop saying you've always done that annoying thing. Stop saying you're not good at it. Stop saying you're unlovable. STOP STOP STOP. I mean it. Stop. Trust me, you will feel the weight of the world slowly lift off of your shoulders. When you get in the habit of cutting yourself off from all of those awful criticisms, you acknowledge the good in you and there is a lot to be celebrated.
2. You can change your life in the time between laying your head on the pillow and falling asleep. Sounds very Tony Robbins, doesn't it? I am not about to sell you vitamins or a self-help book. I promise. At the beginning of 2018 I started saying these simple words as I fell asleep..."Good things are coming my way. Good things are coming my way. Good things are coming my way." That simple practice kept me from replaying the negative scenarios in my head that had plagued this time of my day for far too long. I was tired of feeling emotionally exhausted as I opened my eyes in the morning. I needed to stop the snowball of this crazy life from rolling down the hill, picking up speculation, worry, and crisis on its way down. Its free, its easy, and you will start to tune into the small (and big) gifts that happen every single day.
3. Its time to be your own fucking hero. Sorry (not sorry) for the swear word. I wear a sort of unique perfume and, when you order, you can customize the label that goes on the bottle. I imagined lovers leaving sweet messages on that big beautiful bottle. Love notes of appreciation or lust or whatever. At the beginning of 2018, I decided I was going to order the big bottle because I am the boss of me. When I got to the part where it was time to write the note on the bottle, I laughed as I considered writing myself a love note from an imaginary admirer. At that time I really wasn't in the mood or the happy place for any sort of love in my life so I went with something a little different. The note I wrote to myself on my perfume bottle says, "My own fucking hero." I thought I needed someone to approve of me. I thought I needed someone to tell me I was ok. I thought I needed someone to validate me. It turns out, I just needed to figure out who I am on my own and be my own fucking hero.
4. You're going to be ok. My absolute, number one piece of advice for anyone going through divorce is just that. YOU'RE GOING TO BE OK. You just are. I can't tell you how and I can't tell you that it isn't going to absolutely suck, but you will be ok. You're going to wonder if you can survive and you're going to cry and swear and get angrier than you have ever been and you will hate...and then one day you're going to think to yourself, I'm ok. I'm good. I survived! Yahoo!
5. People are assholes but that's their problem. Healthy, happy, content people aren't assholes. Happy, healthy, content people are thoughtful and kind. They go out of their way to help people. They nurture friendships. They hope other people are happy. Happy people celebrate good things for people around them and want the best for them. I pity the sad soul who makes his mark on the world being an asshole.
6. "You are a Badass." Read this book. Please. Do it. Have your highlighter ready. Click right here for that amazing magic called Amazon (or even better, buy it at your local bookstore).
7. Do something the former "you" would never have done. It turns out, the former "me" wasn't really "me" after all. Turns out Me likes to go on all kinds of adventures and, when I'm free to do them, I am going for it. This year I jumped into a super magical unicorn pond (no really...it looked like a unicorn was going to come out of the woods), I stayed in a tiny house, I created art for some really beautiful homes, and I created a website that has my name on it (still cringe a little about that one), and some other cool things. After all my friends, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
8. Dave Matthews, Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, Elton John, and Ray La Montagne can get you through anything. Enough said.
9. Take a trip with your closest friends. Don't apologize. Don't question your decision. Don't worry. Just do it. Getting away from the day-to-day and tapping in to your carefree self is so good for the soul. The conversations, the shenanigans, the insane laughter...my favorite "event" of the year.
10. I will never give up on my fairytale. Someone once told me that I would never be happy because I expected a fairytale. Absolutely I want a fairytale and I will never let that go. My fairytale isn't about knights and white horses. There is no sweeping me off my feet. As previously discussed, perfection doesn't exist. My fairytale has dreamy things like contentment, respect, honesty, and a good sense of humor. I see it in relationships around me and I know it exists, so yes, I'll take the fairytale!
So here we are at the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 and I am fired up. I will go boldly into 2019 excited to expand my art, see new things, love big, and take good care of myself and the people around me. I've got one shot at the rest of this life, and I intend to make the absolute most of it.
Here are some thoughts and lessons from 2018.
1. When you stop saying mean things to yourself, you start to believe it. Stop saying you're fat. Stop saying you've always done that annoying thing. Stop saying you're not good at it. Stop saying you're unlovable. STOP STOP STOP. I mean it. Stop. Trust me, you will feel the weight of the world slowly lift off of your shoulders. When you get in the habit of cutting yourself off from all of those awful criticisms, you acknowledge the good in you and there is a lot to be celebrated.
2. You can change your life in the time between laying your head on the pillow and falling asleep. Sounds very Tony Robbins, doesn't it? I am not about to sell you vitamins or a self-help book. I promise. At the beginning of 2018 I started saying these simple words as I fell asleep..."Good things are coming my way. Good things are coming my way. Good things are coming my way." That simple practice kept me from replaying the negative scenarios in my head that had plagued this time of my day for far too long. I was tired of feeling emotionally exhausted as I opened my eyes in the morning. I needed to stop the snowball of this crazy life from rolling down the hill, picking up speculation, worry, and crisis on its way down. Its free, its easy, and you will start to tune into the small (and big) gifts that happen every single day.
3. Its time to be your own fucking hero. Sorry (not sorry) for the swear word. I wear a sort of unique perfume and, when you order, you can customize the label that goes on the bottle. I imagined lovers leaving sweet messages on that big beautiful bottle. Love notes of appreciation or lust or whatever. At the beginning of 2018, I decided I was going to order the big bottle because I am the boss of me. When I got to the part where it was time to write the note on the bottle, I laughed as I considered writing myself a love note from an imaginary admirer. At that time I really wasn't in the mood or the happy place for any sort of love in my life so I went with something a little different. The note I wrote to myself on my perfume bottle says, "My own fucking hero." I thought I needed someone to approve of me. I thought I needed someone to tell me I was ok. I thought I needed someone to validate me. It turns out, I just needed to figure out who I am on my own and be my own fucking hero.
4. You're going to be ok. My absolute, number one piece of advice for anyone going through divorce is just that. YOU'RE GOING TO BE OK. You just are. I can't tell you how and I can't tell you that it isn't going to absolutely suck, but you will be ok. You're going to wonder if you can survive and you're going to cry and swear and get angrier than you have ever been and you will hate...and then one day you're going to think to yourself, I'm ok. I'm good. I survived! Yahoo!
5. People are assholes but that's their problem. Healthy, happy, content people aren't assholes. Happy, healthy, content people are thoughtful and kind. They go out of their way to help people. They nurture friendships. They hope other people are happy. Happy people celebrate good things for people around them and want the best for them. I pity the sad soul who makes his mark on the world being an asshole.
6. "You are a Badass." Read this book. Please. Do it. Have your highlighter ready. Click right here for that amazing magic called Amazon (or even better, buy it at your local bookstore).
7. Do something the former "you" would never have done. It turns out, the former "me" wasn't really "me" after all. Turns out Me likes to go on all kinds of adventures and, when I'm free to do them, I am going for it. This year I jumped into a super magical unicorn pond (no really...it looked like a unicorn was going to come out of the woods), I stayed in a tiny house, I created art for some really beautiful homes, and I created a website that has my name on it (still cringe a little about that one), and some other cool things. After all my friends, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
8. Dave Matthews, Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, Elton John, and Ray La Montagne can get you through anything. Enough said.
9. Take a trip with your closest friends. Don't apologize. Don't question your decision. Don't worry. Just do it. Getting away from the day-to-day and tapping in to your carefree self is so good for the soul. The conversations, the shenanigans, the insane laughter...my favorite "event" of the year.
10. I will never give up on my fairytale. Someone once told me that I would never be happy because I expected a fairytale. Absolutely I want a fairytale and I will never let that go. My fairytale isn't about knights and white horses. There is no sweeping me off my feet. As previously discussed, perfection doesn't exist. My fairytale has dreamy things like contentment, respect, honesty, and a good sense of humor. I see it in relationships around me and I know it exists, so yes, I'll take the fairytale!
So here we are at the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 and I am fired up. I will go boldly into 2019 excited to expand my art, see new things, love big, and take good care of myself and the people around me. I've got one shot at the rest of this life, and I intend to make the absolute most of it.
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