About three years ago I went to a new doctor. We went over all of the usuals and then he asked me something that was incredibly personal and made me squirm and sweat. He said, “Outside of taking care of your kids, what do you like to do?” In that one question, there was an implosion of my mind, body, and soul and I sat there absolutely silent. I think I squeaked out an “ummm” and then an “oh god…I don’t know.” Maybe I was thinking too hard. Maybe I was caught off guard. Or maybe, I really didn’t know.
There were so many ingredients to his question.
“Outside of taking care of your kids…” Based on my age and a million conversations with other parents my age, he knew that keeping my children alive required 97.4% of my time. He acknowledged it and that was nice. I think I was busy feeling all warm and fuzzy that he knew that about me when he hit me with the zinger.
“What do you like to DO?” First of all, what do I like? Hmmm…I like cheese and leggings with the high rise suck-me-in, my dog, a comfortable bed, and a sunny, warm patio. I mean, I LIKE a lot of things. That was the easy part, but what do I like to DO?!?! Suddenly I felt like I was standing there naked, appalled, wilted, disgusted with him (but really me), and I was instantly holding back tears.
He was asking me what I did for myself to encourage happiness and fulfillment and I had no answer. I suppose at different times in my life I would have had different answers. For example, when I lived in South Africa, I would have told you that I took long, lovely meet-ups with my friend Kelsey where we would meet for breakfast and stay through lunch. It was indulgent in time and great conversation and it was only for me (although I would argue that we solved many of the world’s problems, thus having a positive impact on all of humanity). Pre-smart phone, I loved to sit and read magazines. I suppose that was something I liked to do. I liked to decorate our houses but at some point, you run out of rooms or money.
Suddenly I pictured myself as a liquid, poured into this very basic square box and taking its shape and dying a little bit. That one tiny little question had me spinning so I started asking other people, especially moms.
What do you like to do? For you.
There were so few sure answers and lots and lots of “ummms” and “hmmms.” Without thinking too hard, how would you answer the question? What do you do for yourself that makes you happy?
In this new chapter of my life, I can tell you how I answer this question. I love to paint and I love to go exploring (even by myself). Painting is my healing therapy. I find that most times I don’t even have the end result in mind as I start a painting. It is born out of process, mood, randomness, a thought or idea from weeks or months ago. It is the part of my day when all of the other stress becomes blurry and weak. I feel it move to the back for those hours that I put my heart onto that wood panel.
And days like today are pure gold. I am sitting in one of the coolest parts of a very cool city, trying new food, watching new people, walking new places, all by myself. In a former life, I took a whole bunch of confidence in navigating huge international cities all by myself and I remember that on days like today. I remember what it feels like to be the leader and not the follower. Oh, and I LOVE sitting in a restaurant all alone, watching people and thinking. Let me know if you’d like to join me.
What do you like to do FOR YOU? What calms your thinking head? What fills you up? You must know the answer to this question, in my opinion. We lose ourselves in others, our roles, and what society expects of us. And then, at some point, either it is pointed out to us or we wake up on our own to realize that we have given away absolutely everything and we can’t answer that very simple question. You are more than the roles you play. You have gifts and talents and so much to offer the world around you. Take care so that you can never be poured into that basic square box.
There were so many ingredients to his question.
“Outside of taking care of your kids…” Based on my age and a million conversations with other parents my age, he knew that keeping my children alive required 97.4% of my time. He acknowledged it and that was nice. I think I was busy feeling all warm and fuzzy that he knew that about me when he hit me with the zinger.
“What do you like to DO?” First of all, what do I like? Hmmm…I like cheese and leggings with the high rise suck-me-in, my dog, a comfortable bed, and a sunny, warm patio. I mean, I LIKE a lot of things. That was the easy part, but what do I like to DO?!?! Suddenly I felt like I was standing there naked, appalled, wilted, disgusted with him (but really me), and I was instantly holding back tears.
He was asking me what I did for myself to encourage happiness and fulfillment and I had no answer. I suppose at different times in my life I would have had different answers. For example, when I lived in South Africa, I would have told you that I took long, lovely meet-ups with my friend Kelsey where we would meet for breakfast and stay through lunch. It was indulgent in time and great conversation and it was only for me (although I would argue that we solved many of the world’s problems, thus having a positive impact on all of humanity). Pre-smart phone, I loved to sit and read magazines. I suppose that was something I liked to do. I liked to decorate our houses but at some point, you run out of rooms or money.
Suddenly I pictured myself as a liquid, poured into this very basic square box and taking its shape and dying a little bit. That one tiny little question had me spinning so I started asking other people, especially moms.
What do you like to do? For you.
There were so few sure answers and lots and lots of “ummms” and “hmmms.” Without thinking too hard, how would you answer the question? What do you do for yourself that makes you happy?
In this new chapter of my life, I can tell you how I answer this question. I love to paint and I love to go exploring (even by myself). Painting is my healing therapy. I find that most times I don’t even have the end result in mind as I start a painting. It is born out of process, mood, randomness, a thought or idea from weeks or months ago. It is the part of my day when all of the other stress becomes blurry and weak. I feel it move to the back for those hours that I put my heart onto that wood panel.
And days like today are pure gold. I am sitting in one of the coolest parts of a very cool city, trying new food, watching new people, walking new places, all by myself. In a former life, I took a whole bunch of confidence in navigating huge international cities all by myself and I remember that on days like today. I remember what it feels like to be the leader and not the follower. Oh, and I LOVE sitting in a restaurant all alone, watching people and thinking. Let me know if you’d like to join me.
What do you like to do FOR YOU? What calms your thinking head? What fills you up? You must know the answer to this question, in my opinion. We lose ourselves in others, our roles, and what society expects of us. And then, at some point, either it is pointed out to us or we wake up on our own to realize that we have given away absolutely everything and we can’t answer that very simple question. You are more than the roles you play. You have gifts and talents and so much to offer the world around you. Take care so that you can never be poured into that basic square box.
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