I've been thinking a lot lately about how I measure myself - how we, especially as women, measure ourselves. Let's be honest, part of our genetic make-up as the feminine species insists that we constantly compare ourselves to those around us and, most likely, consider ourselves inferior at all times. Some of it is inate insecurity and some of it is inate humility. Imagine sitting down to lunch with a group of women, your super model neighbor walking in, and saying to your friends (who are undoubtedly admiring her put-together self), "What? I'm way prettier than her." Then your friends' dilemma would be who to hate more, the super model neighbor or you, right? I guess the conclusion I have come to is that comparing myself to other people is inevitable. I just have to make sure I do it in a healthy way. If you're saying to yourself, "I don't compare myself to other people," I am calling you out right now. I would put that in the same category as people who tell me they never crave junk food because fruit and veggies make them equally as happy. And you're never too tired for sex either. Right.
I have a soul-mate type friend who once told me this story... She said she used to look at people she knew and think, wow...those people have it all. they are perfect. At the same time, she knew that people thought that of her. She had what seemed to be a perfect life...a big house, dream cars, a membership to the country club, beautiful children, enough money to live a great life. No doubt people admired them as "the perfect couple." But what no one knew was that, on the inside, their life was chaotic, stressful, and unhappy in many ways. If you talk to anyone you realize that everyone has something - an uncle in prison, a pot-growing brother, a disappearing dad, a round or two with an eating disorder, a foot fetish...whatever - EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING.
Our natural instincts as animals is to assess the pack and place ourselves accordingly. Men look at each other and decide if they could kick the other guy's ass (although I also think that men are almost as insecure as women...they just try harder to hide it). Women assess the outfit, the roots, the wrinkles (or lack of), the way her kids behave, the way she behaves to her kids, the cellulite, the boobs and butt, the jeans, the car, what she gives to the planet, her friends, her husband, does she wax or pluck, did she arrive on time looking fresh-faced and calm? And if she's pretty, we promptly place ourselves below her in the pack hoping that after she eats her part of the zebra we might lick the leftover carcass. Clearly this is a shallow exaggeration and sort of a "real house wives" assessment of our behavior - NOT to be taken literally. You get my point though, right?
This topic also reminds me of a favorite quote my dear friend reminded me of not too long ago. Goes something like this..."You wouldn't worry about what others think of you if you knew how infrequently they did." So true. So so true. I like to think that people think good things about me once in a while but for the most part, we all have our own crap to worry about. And to think that someone is going to notice my muffin top is just plain egocentric! It also reminds me of every time I go on vacation. I stand in front of the mirror analyzing every square inch of myself in a bathing suit, criticize myself, and then drink off the pain. The reality is, you walk out to the pool for the first time and are immediately slapped in the face with every single kind of body shape and size in every kind of bathing suit ever made. And then you have the European ladies in no bathing suit (top) at all. Who is looking at me when you can look at that???
Jake and I often joke about the things we screw up by saying, "Its ok honey...you have other gifts." I guess its our way of laughing off the things we suck at or mess up or look dumb doing. In some ways, this is what really matters though! Every single person who has ever lived ever was given some amazing gifts, but absolutely no one is perfect. Imagine if we put all the energy we spend criticizing ourselves into the gifts, talents, and things we like about ourselves! Ok, it actually might get a little obnoxious but let's try maybe a 10% improvement for now. This year when you try on your bathing suit for the first time, give yourself a "NICE TA-TA'S" or "that is not a bad butt for 35-year-old!"
[disclosure: I fully realize that this blog rambled, babbled, and crossed the map of what I was attempting multiple times. Again, I must reiterate that this blog is as much about clearing my head and serving as my personal therapy as it is about providing anything to anyone. I say with so much love to anyone reading it, LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME! :)]
I have a soul-mate type friend who once told me this story... She said she used to look at people she knew and think, wow...those people have it all. they are perfect. At the same time, she knew that people thought that of her. She had what seemed to be a perfect life...a big house, dream cars, a membership to the country club, beautiful children, enough money to live a great life. No doubt people admired them as "the perfect couple." But what no one knew was that, on the inside, their life was chaotic, stressful, and unhappy in many ways. If you talk to anyone you realize that everyone has something - an uncle in prison, a pot-growing brother, a disappearing dad, a round or two with an eating disorder, a foot fetish...whatever - EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING.
Our natural instincts as animals is to assess the pack and place ourselves accordingly. Men look at each other and decide if they could kick the other guy's ass (although I also think that men are almost as insecure as women...they just try harder to hide it). Women assess the outfit, the roots, the wrinkles (or lack of), the way her kids behave, the way she behaves to her kids, the cellulite, the boobs and butt, the jeans, the car, what she gives to the planet, her friends, her husband, does she wax or pluck, did she arrive on time looking fresh-faced and calm? And if she's pretty, we promptly place ourselves below her in the pack hoping that after she eats her part of the zebra we might lick the leftover carcass. Clearly this is a shallow exaggeration and sort of a "real house wives" assessment of our behavior - NOT to be taken literally. You get my point though, right?
This topic also reminds me of a favorite quote my dear friend reminded me of not too long ago. Goes something like this..."You wouldn't worry about what others think of you if you knew how infrequently they did." So true. So so true. I like to think that people think good things about me once in a while but for the most part, we all have our own crap to worry about. And to think that someone is going to notice my muffin top is just plain egocentric! It also reminds me of every time I go on vacation. I stand in front of the mirror analyzing every square inch of myself in a bathing suit, criticize myself, and then drink off the pain. The reality is, you walk out to the pool for the first time and are immediately slapped in the face with every single kind of body shape and size in every kind of bathing suit ever made. And then you have the European ladies in no bathing suit (top) at all. Who is looking at me when you can look at that???
Jake and I often joke about the things we screw up by saying, "Its ok honey...you have other gifts." I guess its our way of laughing off the things we suck at or mess up or look dumb doing. In some ways, this is what really matters though! Every single person who has ever lived ever was given some amazing gifts, but absolutely no one is perfect. Imagine if we put all the energy we spend criticizing ourselves into the gifts, talents, and things we like about ourselves! Ok, it actually might get a little obnoxious but let's try maybe a 10% improvement for now. This year when you try on your bathing suit for the first time, give yourself a "NICE TA-TA'S" or "that is not a bad butt for 35-year-old!"
[disclosure: I fully realize that this blog rambled, babbled, and crossed the map of what I was attempting multiple times. Again, I must reiterate that this blog is as much about clearing my head and serving as my personal therapy as it is about providing anything to anyone. I say with so much love to anyone reading it, LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME! :)]
Well of course we love you! I live your rambling because it so much reminds me of my own (except that zebra carcass thing, ick! Lol) thx for another does of reality and comedy. Miss u!
ReplyDeleteLove it!. Very true glad I'm not the only one who has the same thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
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