When Jake signed up for his first Ironman and now with this move to Johannesburg, people have said, "Wow...do you know what you're getting yourself into?" The honest answer is no...but yes. No, I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow no matter where I live. As they say, I could walk out my front door tomorrow and get hit by a bus. But yes, we are willing to go beyond what is comfortable to find out. People say, "I could never take my kids away from what is familiar." What is familiar is family, a roof over their heads, food on the table, and the consistency of how you run your family. I was really worried about telling Quinn he would go to a new school. His response? "YES!" He was pumped. And really, I'm not sure I want my 6-year-old dictating what is best for our family. Are you worried about your kids or are you worried about you?
People have also said, "Isn't it dangerous there?" Yes. If you go to downtown Johannesburg, you don't know where you're going, at night, dialing your iPhone with your Rolex-wearing hand, then definitely yes. Ok so the reality is, I did have lots of safety related questions based on...wait for it...things I read on the internet. Afterall, if its on the web its true, right? I wondered things like, would I be able to wear my wedding ring? Do the women carry purses? Will I feel like I'm living in a prison? Can I walk down the street safely? Luckily we were set up with a great guide - a local - for our week there who was more than willing to answer my questions. First, we will not be living in Johannesburg proper. We are living in the equivalent of Schaumburg to Chicago. I wore my ring, carried a purse, used my phone, ate at outdoor restaurants, and all very safely. Jurgen, our guide and new friend, and his girlfriend Brigette laughed at me and my questions. I am glad they thought it was funny because it was actually quite comforting.
I am not naive. I know I am moving somewhere that is very different than good ol' Appleton. I know I have to be vigilent and aware of what is going on around me. My house has an 8-foot concrete wall surrounding it with electric razor wire on the top. Is it neccessary? No, probably not from what I am told. But that's just how it is and I don't want to be the house without it either! I will use the same common sense I have used in lots of big cities but I WILL NOT live in fear. I can't say that I saw anything that made a live-in-fear impression on me. Like I have said a million times, I will use the same precautions that I would if I was moving to any huge city.
Now, let's talk about my comfort zone which, despite the fact that I am more than willing and excited to move across the world, is actually quite small. My absolute worst thing in the whole world is walking into a room of people I don't know. Worst. Thing. EVER. I mean, I am the girl who would never eat school lunch because I wasn't 100% sure I knew how it worked and if I could juggle the money and carry the food at the same time. I am still thrilled that Quinn loves the whole process of school lunch. Really, I am. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that I "discomfort" on an emotional level pretty easily. In all honesty, I am not real sure how my brain works...school lunch is scary, moving to Africa is not. Anyone??? I suppose part of it is that I have a great husband to do things with and share the burden of everything being completely new. Part of it is the buzz of just going for it. And part of it I must credit to the part of my brain that is fearless. Chicken and Fearless are constantly battling and I guess Fearless won this one. Chicken will come out just in time to meet the new moms at Quinn's school or something seemingly harmless like that. I'm a weirdo.
Here is what I am nervous about:
1. Meeting friends. I mean seriously, am I 6? No, I am not because my 6-year-old can't wait for this. What if I don't meet any fun lady friends? What if I don't meet another mommy who likes to have an occasional glass of wine at 2 o'clock in the afternoon? What if I have no friends and I turn into a recluse/hoarder or something?
2. Driving. When we lived in the UK and I had to learn how to drive, it was just me in the car. If I crashed, it was just me. Now I will have Ben with me. While I am concerned for his safety in the car with me, I am really just glad that he isn't old enough to tell anyone how bad it will be (for a while anyway).
3. What if something happens? The "what if's" could really paralyze a person into that whole recluse/hoarder thing (see above). I mean really, they are endless. I do worry about something happening and being so far away when someone might need me. I have two gifts to combat this though. One is incredibly supportive families who would never try to talk us out of something like a chance to live in South Africa because of the what-if's. The other is the ability to just not think about it (the what-ifs). I have realized over the course of time that this really is a gift. I suppose some (Abby and Shaney) would say I am lucky that I am not a worrier.
And really, that's about it for the worry department. Huh...pretty good!!
Finally, a very quick list of what I am excited about:
1. Taking my kids to the lion park. They will freak.
2. Living in a big city. So many options! So much to do. So much to see.
3. Living in a country where the culture and history is highly fascinating to me.
4. The weather. Wow. The weather. Did I mention that the weather is so mild that my new house has neither a furnace nor central air? Just some in-floor heating for the cool mornings. The weather. The weather. The weather.
5. New food, new wine, new music, new stores, new groceries, new places to travel, new friends (hopefully...see above), etc. etc. You get the point.
6. Decorating my very modern new house.
...and a million other things.
Ok, this is long enough. Stick with me friends...
I lost it this morning. I seriously lost it. I lost it so badly that I posted this to Facebook: You know what gets me all fired up? The way so many white people treat black people here. I brought Miss to the eye doctor because she can't see. The optometrist is treating her like she's an idiot. Over my dead body will we be buying glasses here. I am absolutely FUMING right now!!!!! They are words that I mean and words that were not well thought out, words that were fueled by absolutely shock and frustration and more shock. Words and frustration that felt the same as if someone had insulted one of my children. I had a reaction that got my blood boiling so hard and fast that I consciously had to keep myself in my chair and say, “Jessie…don’t say anything stupid.” I thought of my grandma Doerfler…I know what she would have done. She would have told that woman WHERE.TO.GO. As tempted as I was, I didn’t. I made Miss an appointment to see the eye doctor because the poor woman can
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