Life in Words.

This blog post is inspired by Cheryl Strayed's book, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar . If you haven't read it, please do. It is worth every minute of precious time. One of my dearest friends recently wrote me an email. Her email matched most of our conversations that I will describe as "meaty." We talk about things that matter and then we go beyond matter and hit the how and why with a vengeance. She challenges me to think far beyond what I think I know and understand so I always feel a sense of honor when she asks me for my thoughts. In an effort to respect our friendship and her thoughts and feelings, I am going to answer her email here in a general way that might apply to others as well. I like to write about things that I gather from lots of people during lots of good conversations and I think this is another one of those. Here goes... Friend: I know who I am - or at least who I want to be and think I am - but the life I am livi...

About three years ago I went to a new doctor. We went over all of the usuals and then he asked me something that was incredibly personal and made me squirm and sweat. He said, “Outside of taking care of your kids, what do you like to do?” In that one question, there was an implosion of my mind, body, and soul and I sat there absolutely silent. I think I squeaked out an “ummm” and then an “oh god…I don’t know.” Maybe I was thinking too hard. Maybe I was caught off guard. Or maybe, I really didn’t know. There were so many ingredients to his question. “Outside of taking care of your kids…” Based on my age and a million conversations with other parents my age, he knew that keeping my children alive required 97.4% of my time. He acknowledged it and that was nice. I think I was busy feeling all warm and fuzzy that he knew that about me when he hit me with the zinger. “What do you like to DO?” First of all, what do I like? Hmmm…I like cheese and leggings with the high rise suck-me-in, m...

It was a couple years ago that I first saw that little saying that registered so deeply with so many people. It went something like, “Be kind always. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” I remember reading that and thinking, holy shit, YES. I probably shared it on Facebook like everyone who saw it and felt that deep down agreement with such simple words. It is simple and brilliant and universal. We all know that feeling of wanting to say to someone, “DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?!?!” Any time in my life I have experienced any sort of tragedy, there is that eerie feeling when you look around and everyone seems to be going on about life as if everything is ok and you just want to stop and scream at the top of your lungs, EVERYTHING IS NOT OK!! It is the loneliest island, isn’t it? But this simple little concept - the one where we are all fighting battles - reminds us that we are sharing this giant island, fighting next to each other, doing our ...

I hate to keep bringing it up, but the last year of my life has been less than desirable. Devastating. Soul-crushing. Tear infused and physically painful. Confusing. Exhausting. Debilitating. But I learned that, unless you are literally dying, your are not actually going to die. Less than desirable, devastating, soul-crushing, tear infused and physically painful, confusing, exhausting, and debilitating will not actually kill you. At times you wish they would, but they don't. That means you only have the option to survive...and God, survival really sucks sometimes. It is ugly and crude and unshowered and baggy-eyed. It is misspoken words and polite, self-preserving lies. It is smiling with a broken heart. And even when you wish Survival would suck the last shallow breath from you, you will find gifts. SMALL GIFTS. At the very lowest point of the last year, I decided to pay attention to the things that were going on around me. There were ten bazillion bad things happening that w...

Dear 2017, You were a real asshole and I'm glad you're dead. You chewed me up and spit me out, but incredibly, I came out on top. You tried to break me but I stood up to you. I know you saw the days I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life. You were there for the gossip, rumors, and whispers. You were there when I didn't sleep for weeks. I felt you kick me when I was down...over and over again. But its ok because I know you. You're sneaky and arrogant and insecure and dishonest and two-faced. I recognize you, 2017. What you don't know is that I am a fucking warrior. Not only did I walk out of the fire, but I am also carrying buckets of water for my friends who are enduring the brutal realities of divorce. They are also warriors. Yes, I am glad you're gone, 2017, but I must also thank you. For every time I felt hatred and anger and disgust, I am smart enough to know where to turn when its time to fight back. Maybe you missed the day that my incredib...

It is a subject that 99.9% of women (that is my “scientific” guess) talk about, think about, and wrestle with every day from the time we are about 12 years old. If you become a mom, it grows like that weird talking plant in Little Shop of Horrors. If you don’t become a mom, it buzzes in your ear like a rabid mosquito. If you work, it nags at you. If you don’t work it is a little voice in your head chattering away at you. And I would be willing to bet it is a topic of conversation when you are with your girlfriends. It causes tears and anxiety, frustration and insecurity, and the worst part is, it really only plagues women. I have yet to heard a group of guys stressing over being “good enough” (I shall eat my words when this happens). We are never enough. Let me rephrase that…we never FEEL like we are enough.  The other day I was juggling my three boys (thank you Fall Break…I mean, didn’t we just start school?) and work and breakfast and all of my usual adult duties. I sent...

There are a million books and theories and thoughts these days about how THINGS just clutter up your life and make you crazy. Well, I'm here to disagree. Tonight I organized (sort of) and decorated my office and I was reminded of how much I love my stuff. Someone asked me what the style of my new house is and I said, "cluttery eclectic." YES! Its cluttery because I love walking into a house that is full of interesting things to look at. If you have ever been to my aunt Sheri's house, you know what I mean. There is a huge difference between walking into a cluttered house and walking into a house that tells a story. If you come to my house, I can probably tell you a story about almost everything I own. For example, let me take you on a tour of my office. To my right is a collage that I made one afternoon with my sister-in-law Julie and my niece Ellie...two humans who I love beyond words. To my left is a collage my mom made me. There is a photo of me as a baby with my ...