Home.

Home is simple.
Home is always here.
Home is family and people who have known you for lots of years, through good stuff and bad stuff.
Home is Piggly Wiggly.
Home is Erb Park and City Park.
Home is College Avenue.
Home is parents and sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, aunts and uncles and cousins.
Home is my dog.
Home is warm and cozy and alwasy comfortable.
Home is how happy my kids are being around people who love them.
Home is seeing familiar faces and running into people at the grocery store.
Home is sharing things in common.
Home is knowing who to call when my kids are sick.
Home is a house that we own, Jake and his lawn, weekend projects, and random gatherings.
Home is safe.
Home is clean and quiet.

Home has been a lot of places for us, lots of different "buildings," almost-country and big cities. Home has been three different countries. Home has been too close to the train tracks. Home has been really good quality and one impulse decision. :)

I don't remember my exact feelings while living in England...that was 2000 and I have a terrible memory. I know we had lots of fun but I also know we struggled. Now that I am 13 years older and 7 homes later, I feel safe to say that Johannesburg will never be home and will never feel like home and its ok. Our life in Joburg is an experience, it is not home. We will live an extraordinary life there, soak in what we can, appreciate it for what it is, but it is not home.

My job through all of these moves has always been to put the house together. I love to do it. Making a building into our home is my favorite project and I think its why I can tolerate and even get excited about our moves. Its always a challenge to me to see just how quickly I can have a place whipped into shape and exceptionally comfortable for my family. Jake does the work part, I do the home part (for the most part). My time at HOME HOME is affording me lots of reflection and I've come to realize that I need to let a few things go.

I think I need to stop worrying about WHY Joburg doesn't feel like home. Its not home. Let it go.

I need to be ok with living in a house that I don't love and don't feel super motivivated to beautify. Its ok. Let it go.

I have to appreciate that Joburg is temporary. I know we are coming home. Its ok to not feel 100% settled in...even if I feel this way the whole 2 years. Its ok. Let it go.

I am going to miss the people I love who are so very far away. The pain is worth the appreciation I will have when this is not the case anymore someday. Let it go.

Jake and I have been through a lot together and moving to South Africa will no doubt go in the column marked, "Not easy but an experience that made us stronger." I can't tell yet if being home makes things better or worse knowing that I have to go back, but I do know this:

1. Home is home. It doesn't matter how long you are gone, where you go, who you meet, or how great the weather is...HOME IS HOME.

2. Its all about having your people close by. On paper, life in SA is dreamy on all accounts (minus a little crime, poverty, racism, etc. yikes). But nothing matters if you don't have your people. I don't want to be without my people. People are what matters. You have to have people. People.

3. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Enough said.

4. I will never ever take little old Appleton for granted ever, ever again. It is safe and clean and friendly and green and cute and charming and I love it.

5. At the end of this experience I will look back and be amazed that we did it, we survived and flourished, grew as a family (literally and figuratively), and came out wiser in the end.

Now, on a far less serious note, a list of observations being at home after living in SA for 7 months:

- I love how colorful the packaging is on American products.
- I could eat Jimmy Johns every single day (I probably knew this before but it has now been solidified).
- The streets are SO CLEAN. Quinn said, "Mom, there is no litter here."
- Wisconsin Avenue never ever changes.
- I have realized just how deep my love for Target is.
- We have so many options. For example, I was looking for some kind of athletic-looking sweatshirt in a dark color. I think I had 15 different options just at Target!
- We know how to make products for packing a really kick ass kids lunch.
- Being able to drive down the road with your purse on the front seat without fearing someone will smash your car window and steal it is NOT overrated.

Thank you to everyone who has shared my excitement for being home. Your kind words have made it that much better.